Friday FITspiration: Running a marathon to honor the mother they lost

July 11, 2014

Here at runladylike.com, Fridays are all about sharing the inspiring stories of fit people who motivate all of us to be better tomorrow than we were yesterday. My Friday FITspiration series profiles runners, triathletes and casual exercisers who are making choices every day to be as healthy as they can be – in both huge ways and through simple, small victories. Their stories are about the journey of transforming from ordinary to extraordinary each and every day.

Today, I’d like you to meet Jillaine VanEssen from Dawn’s Divas 26.2. I first learned about Jillanine’s story when she contacted me after hearing I’m running the Chicago Marathon this October on MDA Team Momentum to raise money to help the Muscular Dystrophy Association save and improve the lives of people fighting muscle disease. Jillaine’s mother passed away from ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or Lou Gerig’s disease) 5 years ago – a devastating disease of the nervous system that results in muscle weakness. As ALS progresses, muscles become paralyzed until basic movements and everyday tasks become impossible without assistance. Once diagnosed with ALS, people typically live only 3 to 5 years.

Jillaine and her sister Jodi have decided to run the Chicago Marathon (their first marathon) to honor their mother Dawn by raising money for the ALS Association in Chicago. Their story is incredible and Jillaine’s words and thoughts are truly inspiring. Check out my interview with this awesome lady and soon-to-be marathoner.

Friday FITspiration: Running for ALS on runladylike.com

When did you start running and what inspired you to start?
Both my sister Jodi and I started running regularly to stay in shape in the off seasons of both soccer and basketball while we were in high school. We never really enjoyed it but knew we needed to do it to prepare for our sports. However, for the past 15 years, we have both been off and on runners simply to stay healthy. Here and there, we sign up for races (me more than Jodi) to inspire us to run longer or faster. Overall, we both consider ourselves somewhat inconsistent runners … until now!

You and your sister lost your mom from ALS in 2009. How has running helped you cope with this incredibly difficult loss?
I can confidently say I feel my best when I’m running. I sleep better, eat better, think better and process better. I feel more capable to get through really hard stuff, particularly the death of my mom. About six months into my mom’s diagnosis of ALS, I moved from North Carolina to Wisconsin to help my dad take care of her. My dad had to continue to work while my mom needed 24-hour care. I was confident in my decision to move home and be a caregiver for her. We knew her time was very limited as she had been told her type of ALS was the fastest progressing. I also knew that it would be difficult at times to be with her in such a fragile and vulnerable state. However, I didn’t know I would spend much of my time with her hiding a lot of my emotions of sadness and fear. From my perspective, she was already going through so much sadness and fear of her own that I just didn’t want to show her mine. I got my fear and sadness out through running. While running, I could process the reality of the next few months as well as work through the sadness of all the years ahead that I would live without my mom. I cried a lot on these runs and had to stop and catch my breath a lot too. But they helped me be the best I could be for her.

Friday FITspiration: Running for ALS on runladylike.com

In the present, running is the way I’m spending time with my mom. My sister Jodi asked me to run the Chicago marathon for team ALS about a month after I got engaged to my fiancée Jon. I had just begun to consider how I would incorporate my mom into the planning of our wedding day. I knew immediately the marathon was the way to do it! This marathon is for my mom and so many others affected by ALS. Therefore, every time I run, it’s time I spend with her and for her! I talk to her on my runs, tell her about the wedding, the things I am excited about, the special people in my life making long trips to be present. Marathon training is more time-consuming than I expected as it includes so much more than just the runs. It affects the things you eat, the time you go to bed, the social gatherings you attend, etc. Therefore, my mom feels present in just about everything I do these days. It’s going to be really hard not to have my mom at my wedding. At the same time, this marathon is without question making her present in my life in a way I didn’t even know was possible.

You and your sister are running the Chicago Marathon (your first marathon!) this October to honor your mom’s memory. What made you choose this challenge and this race? What do you think your mom would think about your marathon endeavor?
I give all the credit of choosing this endeavor to my amazing sister Jodi. This past April was the 5-year anniversary of our mom’s passing. It was important to all 5 of my siblings and me to do something particular and/or different to honor her, but it was Jodi who spearheaded conversations and began to come up with different ideas. No idea felt quite right until she randomly got an email from the ALS Chicago Chapter inviting her to “Run to defeat ALS.” For Jodi, this felt right. Something told her this was the journey God wanted her to take to honor and remember our mom. Jodi knew this was going to be a bigger journey than running 26.2 miles, and it already has been! We’ve been blessed with so much support and have already heard stories of heartbreak and inspiration that keep our energy for training at its peak!

Friday FITspiration: Running for ALS on runladylike.com

Jodi and I are confident that our mom would be overwhelmed with pride that we are doing this for ALS. ALS is a brutal disease and it is both physically and emotionally exhausting. Knowing her daughters were taking on a comparatively small physical and emotional challenge to help those living with ALS in even the smallest way would make her smile. There is no doubt in my mind that if she was here she would be the one pushing her way through the crowd at the finish line to watch her daughters finish strong. I believe she would also be grateful that her family has chosen to re-enter the world of ALS and listen to the stories of others. She was always so gifted at that.

Friday FITspiration: Running for ALS on runladylike.com

You’ve decided to dedicate each mile to someone living with ALS or that we’ve lost from the disease and tell their 26 stories. What inspires you most about the stories you’ve received so far?
I think the determination and courage have inspired me most. The individuals we’ve heard from have not let ALS stop them from finding joy in life. It has been important for me to talk about individuals living with ALS. ALS is painful, heartbreaking, ugly and life-changing in really hard ways, but the people we’ve met are still living. They know that their diagnoses make death more real but this seems to bring more vigor for life NOW.

If someone wants you to run a mile for a loved one they have known with ALS, how can they do that?
If you’d like us to run a mile for you or a loved one, you can contact Jodi or me through email. We would be honored and grateful to hear and share your story.

What are you most looking forward to with the marathon? What are you most nervous about?
I am really excited to meet the rest of Team ALS and be a physical part of the community of runners who specifically chose to run for ALS. Living in North Carolina, I have not been able to attend any of the functions associated with Team ALS. I feel mentally connected to these people as ALS has touched each of us in some way. However, it will mean so much to meet them in person and give them a big hug of support. I’m also excited to be side-by-side with my sister, consciously moving from mile to mile remembering those for whom we are running. It will be emotional but so inspiring. My sister is my hero in all of this. To run with Jodi will be such an honor.

I’m most nervous about simply running 26.2 miles. The typical training for a marathon only gets you up to about 20 or so miles (which I’m grateful for, don’t get me wrong). However, adding 6.2 miles to that is a large amount!

Is there a quote, thought or mantra that keeps you inspired and motivated?
When my mom felt that the moment, the day, the week, etc. was unbearable and painful, she would say (or ask me to say) “one day at a time.” So, I now say to myself, “One run at a time.” It is daunting to look at my training schedule for the next few weeks and months. When I have a “not so good run,” I often quickly start thinking, “If you struggle at 7 miles, what are you going to do at 16, 17, 18?” This is when I repeat in my head, “One run at a time.” My runs can feel so different as my energy is dependent on so many things (food, sleep, previous runs, etc.). “One run at a time” keeps me focused in that moment and that day.

What advice would you share with other people who have lost a loved one and are considering using running as a powerful tool to channel their emotions?
Running has the possibility to change you. You don’t have to LOVE running to do something like this because I truly believe it’s not simply about running. It’s about a whole ton of emotions stuck inside you wondering how to make themselves visible and tangible. Running can be this outlet for your emotions. The past 5 years have been a crazy journey of awesomeness and devastation. I’ve spent a good portion of those years trying to run away from the devastation, scared it might ruin the awesomeness. Running has provided me some structure to process my thoughts about my mom’s absence in my life the past 5 years. It’s easy to push thoughts, anger and sadness to the side in order to just get through days. I don’t have to do this when I’m running regularly. It’s powerful! It’s therapeutic. I’m not only becoming physically stronger; I’m emotionally stronger as well.

Is there anything else you’d like people to know about you, your sister, your mom or ALS?
I strongly believe a cure and/or treatment for ALS will be found in my lifetime. When my mom was diagnosed they reported that they are no closer to a cure than they were 40 years ago. Well, the past 5 years have changed that. Through various forms of research, including stem cell, they have made huge discoveries and even slowed down progression in many cases. We can help make this happen for more people by financially supporting ALS research as well as bringing more awareness and education!

My mom … I could write pages about her. It’s interesting to me that when I think about what I miss most, it’s often the things that drove me the craziest when she was alive. For example, I never could trust her opinion when I asked her how something looked on me or if my hair looked ok. To her, I was always beautiful. I swear I could have walked outside in my pajamas and my hair sticking straight up and she would still say I looked amazing. I miss having her love me that much. I miss feeling that confident in her presence. There is no love like a mother’s love. There are amazing women out there in the world who are fantastic mothers! However, I’m not sure I’ve met one whose identity was as wrapped up in being mom to her 6 kids than mine. It was her highest virtue as well as her vice.

And my sister … Jodi is my hero. One of the most beautiful and inspiring things for me in this marathon training is the growth and determination in my sister. She is allowing this process to change her as she meets other young moms who instead of running for ALS are living with ALS. This race has also brought more conversations about my mom with her kids. They have asked a lot about Grandma Dawn and this is a sign of grace for me. Her running is keeping Grandma Dawn alive in her children. For this, I’m utterly grateful.

Friday FITspiration: Running for ALS on runladylike.com

How can people connect with you?
We have started a blog about our training and the stories we are hearing at: http://dawnsdivasalsrun.wordpress.com/

We would be so grateful if you are willing to contribute to our run as well! Every dollar counts. We are reaching high and hoping to raise $10,000. We are more than 20 percent to our goal with a few months left! To contribute, please go to one of the following links:

Jodi’s Page: http://webchicago.alsa.org/site/TR/Runs/Chicago?px=1933118&pg=personal&fr_id=10382

Jillaine’s Page: http://webchicago.alsa.org/site/TR/Runs/Chicago?px=2816464&pg=personal&fr_id=10382

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If you or someone you know would be a great candidate for Friday FITspiration, email me at runladylike@gmail.com.

What inspires you most about Jillaine and Jodi’s story to run for ALS? Help send Jillaine and Jodi good wishes as they train for this special first marathon!

Comments

Tina Muir

Awww what a wonderful story, you girls are incredible. I will also be racing in Chicago, but for more selfish reasons. You ladies are the reason the running community is so great! I wish you every success!

rUnladylike

Tina, Matt from the Runner Academy has been talking about a Chicago blogger meet-up. I’ll keep you, Jillaine and others posted, as it would be awesome to meet everyone in person. You can cheer for us after you cross the finish line! xo

Emily

Go Jillaine and Jodi!! Such an amazing and inspirational story! I am so proud of all you’ve accomplished so far and feel so honored to get to share some of your morning runs with you, Jillaine! You will crush it in Chicago, and are already doing amazing things by spreading awareness of ALS! <3

Charlene

Incredible story! Loved reading this! You girls go!

Kimberly @ Healthy Strides

What an awesome endeavor! I’ll admit that I started skimming half-way through because I didn’t want to cry at work.

Allie

As someone who also lost her mom at a young age, this was hard to read, yet so inspiring! I find so much comfort in running and I’m happy to see these amazing sisters do too, and can run for such a personal cause. You’re making my heart happy with everything you you’re doing and all that you said. Go get it in Chicago!!!

Aunt Nan

Jill and Jodi,
I am always surprised how much emotion is still so close to the surface when I think about your mom and my sister. When grandpa died I used to run just to talk with him and I would envision him running right along with me. Then when your mom died she joined grandpa and I and would laugh the whole time cause she always said “I could never ran until I got to heaven”. It’s pretty cool to hear you have also found a special closeness with your mom in your running. I’m inspired by both of you and love you both dearly!

Alexis Teevens

Whew, this had me tearing up! What a beautiful story about the power of family and of running. I am so excited for both of you ladies! You’re going to crush it at the marathon this fall, and so many people are going to be proud of you. Way to go.

Gabrielle from Austria

Wonderful thoughts about running! I was in Chicago in 1994 and I loved it.
Enjoy the good parts and endure the hard parts during your first marathon, Jill and Jodi! You are amazing

kathy veenstra

You girls make me so proud to be your grandmother and Dawn’s mother.
I feel like Nancy that my emotions are right there when I am reading all of your comments. You girls have been such a Blessing to me and I thank God that she and Doug had 6 children. I am glad that you have felt so inspired by your running. Exercise can do that for you and also remembering such a wonderful person as your Mom. I Praise God for all of you , Nancy included.

Runner Girl Eats

Great story! Good luck to Jillaine and Jodi! Such a great way to honor their mother.